Making the first move

Dear C,

You asked me if it's wrong for a girl to make the first move, and if it's not, why then we have the peribahasa "perigi cari timba".

My answer - no, it's not wrong for a girl to make the first move. And the 'perigi cari timba' is a cultural thing, not Islamic, so I guess we are not strictly bound by that.

Having said that, it does not mean that one could sesuka hati make the first move. Saidatina Khadijah made the first move in proposing marriage to Rasulullah, but it was done discreetly, in a way that would not dishonor any party had the proposal been turned down.

The main point is - it must be done in a way that is discreet and honorable.
Meaning - the girl might want to try using a trusted middle person.
Preferably someone more mature, married and trustworthy.

And I'm talking about making the first move towards matrimony - not for "nak kawan-kawan" or "nak kenal-kenal" without any plan for marriage.

If it's just for "saja suka-suka", then you'd better go ask others in dating sites.

I guess many of us still believe that the burden of expressing an interest lies heavily on the guy's side rather than the girls. Yup, the good old-fashioned way. In fact many girls are afraid of being labeled "tak tahu malu" if they were to make the first move, like it's a huge turn off or something. This is where the importance of discreet execution comes in...

"Making a move is like submitting a tender", or so my former boss, Encik Dollah claimed.

"Before one submits a tender, the company would study 'the project' thouroughly - to know the cost, the expectation, preparing the budget and all.If 'the project' is beyond the company's capability, then it would not submit any tender at all.

However if the tenderee is actually interested in the tenderer, then the tenderee could invite the tenderer for direct negotiation, and they might be able to work things out after all."

Similarly, after studying a particular girl he might be interested in, a guy might not make the first move if he thinks that this girl is out of his league. However, should the girl make it known that she actually has interest in him, that the interest is mutual and that she is not actually out of his league, things might be different.

"If the girl is brave enough to make the first move, we don't think of her as being bold or agressive. I believe the guy would be grateful for her to ease some pressure off his shoulder. Who said that guys are not afraid of rejection? Sometimes guys are more affected by rejection compared to girls. Seriously"

So there C, my answer to your question.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl making the first move.

Only that it must be done in a way that would not cause any party to lose face.

After all, shyness is part of faith.

It's right to be shy, but it's also not wrong to take the first step.

If you have performed istikharah and the sign is positive, then you go girl!

If your nawaitu is right, insya Allah, Allah will guide you towards Him.

Have faith and be strong.

A trip to Cameron Highlands

This should be treated as an entry that complements Kit's post.

Prior to going to Cameron Highlands, we worried about how to get up there. There was some problem with the car's air-cond system. Adik spent one whole Wednesday trying looking for a place where the air-cond could be repaired. Unfortunately, since it was during the CNY holiday season, most mechanics asked Adik to return the following Monday, since there was no sparepart and most Chinese-owned sparepart shops would only re-open on Monday. And we were supposed to leave for Cameron on Friday, three days before 'next Monday'... Asked my brother Abang, if we could borrow one of his cars for the weekend, but he was not able to loan us any - the Satria was used by his office staff, the Perdana was in the workshop, he needed to use the Merc and his wife needed the Kancil to entertain her mother who came all the way from Kedah.

Thursday evening we tried our luck by sending the car to a Malay workshop in Seri Serdang. After about an hour or so of godek-godek here and there, the car's air-cond worked! Alhamdulillah... But the workshop owner took a look at our tyres (snow tyres actually) and advised hubby to change the tyres before we depart for Cameron Highlands, and hubby promised to do so the next day. He did - and so the car problem was solved.

Then, on Thursday too, Ayah suddenly announced that he intended to bring Huzaifah to see a specialist to take a look at Huzaifah's asthma/skin problem the next day. The specialist is actually based in Sarawak and only visits KL/PJ area once every 2 month. Thus, there were 3 options - whether to take Huzaifah to CH and wait for another two months before seeing the specialist, or to wait until after Huzaifah's meeting with the specialist is over before leaving for CH or not to take Huzaifah to CH. Option 1 was not really a viable option, so we had to weight option 2 against option 3. We finally decided to choose Option 3. Which meant there were just hubby, Humaidi, Yati the bibik and I who went to Cameron Highlands that Friday.

What we did in Cameron Highlands

# Steamboat night
Having steamboat at night in the highland is better if not as good as having steamboat in a tree house at Yankee's Hut. Hot food enjoyed in a cool background - sort of yin and yang, I guess. Kit brought lots of mini cupcakes too - which were especially enjoyed by Humaidi



# Went to a workshop
No, there was no more air-cond trouble, just a flat tyre. Which was remedied in almost no time at all at the workshop which was situated in a road less travelled by tourists.

# Tea plantation visit
I was still pregnant with Haniyya back then, so Kit and Althie insisted on sparing me from having to walk quite a distance in Sungai Palas, so we went to Boh Tea Plantation in Bharat. I've been to Sg Palas before anyway - back in 2001 during DPA course. I would say that Sg Palas made a better visit than Bharat, and don't get easily fooled by the milestones on the way to the tea plantation. With the narrow and winding path, it was a lot longer to reach the tea factory than we initially thought upon seeing the first milestone.

We also stopped by Cameron Valley tea plantation which was just next to the main road.



# Tea and scone
Kit wanted to try scone at T-Cafe in Tanah Rata, but alas it was closed on Sundays. But we got to taste some at Boh Tea House in Bharat. Scones are more expensive in Boh tea house compared to the ones sold in Cameron Valley tea house. Anyway, having scone with tea in the highland reminded me a lot of the good old days when I used to buy scones at Morrison's and shared them with Chloe in our apartment in Leeds.


# Picnic at the waterfall
We brought rice cooker, rice, lots of canned lauk and had a picnic under a gazebo in Sungai Bisik waterfall. Compared to Lata Iskandar, this is just a mini waterfall. The place is quite nice but not well kept. There were litters everywhere, and the garbage bins were overflowed with litters of all kinds. The place could do better with improved maintenance


# Strawberry, strawberry, strawberry
Our bangalow is just next to Healthy Strawberry Farm (which also housed lots of cactus, varieties of flowers and organic vegetables), so we did not have to travel far for a visit to one. But Kit took us to KHM Strawberry farm and I must say that their milkshake is really to die for. Their home made jam is good and so is the strawberry topping. Their home-made ice-cream and the fresh strawberries are so-so. I prefer larger, sweeter varieties than the ones we bought there. Still it was an eye opener trip for me to realize that there are so many Bumiputera operated strawberry farms/rose gardens in existence at Taman Sedia. (They even offer Homestay services in Taman Sedia, which is not that far from Tanah Rata town)



# Nuts over Veggies
Be it at the night market in Brinchang or at the market in Kea Farm or near Kea Farm, veggies are really cheap in Cameron Highlands. And they offer a lot more varieties of veggies than we usually see in the normal supermarket or wet market near home. There were houren-so - a spinach variety I've gotten used to in Japan, putik lili, fresh red cabbage, pucuk labu with lots of soft umbut, mini kailan, fresh cherry tomatoes etc. Hubby and I bought about RM50 of veggies but they could easily cost double or more of that amount in the lowland wet market. We got lots of 'free' veggies too - be it from Malay or non-Malay sellers. "A gift for the child in your tummy," one seller claimed.

#Flowers and cactuses photo snapping
Be it at the road side, various 'markets', farms or gardens, hubby had a great time snapping photos of all different kinds of flowers and cactuses...


# Brinchang Night Market
Not the usual night market. Lots of food and household items yes, but also a place to go shopping for souvenirs. Bought souvenir t-shirts, big pencils, fridge magnets and strawberry candies here. Tried the pearl corn (jagung mutiara) - a short and whitish corn compared to the normal ones. They may not look too good, but they tasted really yummy.


All in all, we had lots of fun in Cameron Highlands.
The bangalow was spacious, and all of us got along fine with each other, even Humaidi and Kit's Manja. And I'd even forgotten how good it felt to lounge lazily on the couch and watch chick flicks with girlfriends (and supportive husbands, ha ha). I must also not forget to thank Raven's cousin Me*na - a talented masseur.

Oh, there was one scary moment when I felt strong contractions Saturday night after we got back from the night market, but it turned out to be mere false alarms. Hubby and I already identified where the nearest hospital was, just in case, but I'm glad that Haniyya waited. Otherwise, Kit suggested naming the kid Seroja, after the bangalow that we rented.
Oh no...

So?

"It seems like you give in a lot to your husband"

"Huh?"

"I think you are very patient, that's why you don't mind giving in to your husband"

I smiled. What my room-mate (in the office) said reminded me of two dialogues I had ages ago. One when I just started working after finishing DPA course; the other with a close friend not long after I got married.

#####

"You know A.Z., there were a few guys who initially have interest in you during DPA. But then, everyone thought it's too risky to have a relationship with you. Mesti you kuat bengkeng, kuat melawan punya."

I gasped. What did I do that make them think so?

"You have a very strong personality. You always asked, no, you demanded for explanations. And you were good at whatever you attempted, it gets a bit intimidating. Most guys do not like being intimidated..."

#####

"You never said "so?" to Amin?"

"Huh?"

"You have always asked "so?" when ever you want further explanation. Or clarification. In fact, my husband had gotten so used to you asking "so?" that he sometimes do impersonation of you when he wants further explanation"

"Owh..."

#####

For the record, I think I have never asked hubby "so?" in that certain way that could be mimicked by my close buddy's husband.
I don't have to demand explanation from him - he knows better to fully explain himself.
And I don't think hubby has ever been intimidated by me.
And I do admit that I give in a lot.
Just as he does too.

After all, that's what marriage is all about - giving in and giving back.

If Ibu says no...

...ask Mbah.

And that's exactly what Huzaifah is fond of doing nowadays.
Mak and Ayah brought him to see a specialist for his skin problem and were told that Huzaifah should stay away from food with 3Ps - Pewarna, Perasa Tiruan & Pengawet (Artificial coloring, flavor and preservative). This of course includes lots of Huzaifah's favorites such as ice cream.

But at the end of the day - even when Mak and Ayah keep reminding hubby and I not to let Huzaifah eat anything with the 3Ps - they always give in to his request.

The other day, Huzaifah saw somebody having ice cream.
"Ibu, ais kelim tak boleh. Nanti sakit"
"Ha ah, Ujai tak boleh makan ais krim, nanti gatal"
"Ibu, nak ais kelim"
"Tak boleh, nanti gatal"
"Ibu, nak ais kelim"
"Tak boleh, nanti Ujai sakit"
"Ooh, tak boleh. Nanti sakit..."

The next thing I knew, he held a glass filled with ice cream, taking it with him to watch the cartoons in the living area.
I was about to ask our bibik who gave Huzaifah the ice cream, but I saw Mak at the dining table.
Having ice cream.
Grinning sheepishly.
"Mak lupa la..."

Yes, I guess it's true after all.
If mommy says no, ask grandma.

A Be Ke

In Humaidi's dictionary - abeke is elephant.
Show him a photo of elephant or whenever an elephant (or mammoth in Ice Age) appears on the tv, he'll quickly point it out, "abeke".
The other day, as I showed him a flash card of elephant, I tried to make him follow after me.
"Elephant"
"Abeke"
"Elephant"
"Abeke"
"E-Le-Phant"
"A-Be-Ke"
He actually tried to teach me back, no kidding.
So there.
Other favorite words are "ballu" which refers to lion or tiger, "ballai" which refers to horse or zebra and "ika" which refers to fish and other sea animals.

So, okay, at two, he still does the baby talk.
There are certain words which are clear, like "nak syusyu", "nak, nak", "abis", "jatuh" but most of the times even though he seems keen in explaining and telling, they came out as gibberish to the adults.
Oh, he would chant "ayah dah balik" when hubby returns.
But don't be surprised if during chanting, it'll come out as "abah yah dalik" or "ayah bah dalik"
And he is still unsure whether he should be calling me "ibu" or "abu" or "bu-i"

Not that I believe in numerology - but someone told me that Humaidi's birth root number is 9, indicating that he's very creative and might be more interested in arts than science. For now, it seems like he is one natural entertainer. He loves singing and humming - though the 'songs' are mostly in his own language. He's good at zikir too - "Ya Latiff" and "Lailahaillallah" being his favorite.

I believe he understands most of what we tell him - but sometimes he simply ignore them, preferring to do things out of free will. Sometimes when we ask him to salam or kiss us on the cheeks, he would just ignore us and carry on doing his own stuff. At other times, he would come to one of us, and surprised us with a kiss and then he would grin cheekily when we praised him for it.

He throws a tantrum when Ayah or Ibu leaves for work, and really loves a ride in the car.
He throws a tantrum when it's time to take a shower but he loves playing in the pool.
He also loves climbing, exploring and chocolates.
The other day in Cameron Highland, he climbed up the dining table, opened a box of mini cupcakes, and picked out all the M&Ms on top of the cakes, leaving the cupcakes alone as he ate the M&Ms.

Humaidi turned 2 on 5th April 2009.
Here's praying that he'll keep on being our qurratun ain (delight of the eye) for many years to come.

Baby pics

Introducing Baby Haniyya...

Re: Orang Baru, Rumah Baru

Again, sorry for not posting any entry for so long, and for not responding to the comments left. So take this entry as my reply for the comments left in the previous entry

Thank you for all the congratulatory notes and messages. Terima kasih. Arigatou gozaimashita.

The name
Muhammad Asim Hanniya was what was written in the application form for birth certificate.
Muhammad Asim Haniyya was written in the birth certificate.
And I only realised that when we applied for his insurance (takaful).
(Prior to that I thought it was just a common mistake when the nurse(s) at the clinic/hospital registered my baby's name with Haniyya instead of Hanniya...)
My colleague Azhan commented that it is yet another difficult name for my kid.
My reply? Blame it on having an ustaz-who-spent-8-years-in-Egypt as a father
By the way - Asim is spelt 'ain alif sod mim in arabic.
So, it is way different than the sound of a sneeze...

Making adjustments
Huzaifah is adapting well to having another brother in the house.
Like he knows Ibu won't be able to grab the extra chocolate he's having while the baby brother is being breastfed.

Humaidi is still making adjustment.
When he feels like it, he still insists on sitting on Ibu's lap even while the baby needs to be fed.
So sometimes Ibu has to make up by straightening her feet on the recliner seat and let Humaidi sits on her thighs while she breastfeed.
And lets not begin discussing who gets to sleep next to Ibu at night.
By the way Kak D, Humaidi just turned 2 on the 5th of April.
But yes, it does seem like only yesterday when I was talking about my newborn in Japan...

The all boys club
Edot - there's you, there's Gee, there's Aidil and now me...
I can't complain - it runs in hubby's family.
To date, with the exception of one sister, all of his married siblings only gotten their first daughter after the fifth try.
So there.

Maternity leave
I enjoyed being away from work.
There was not much pampering due to moving into my own house and other familial stuff, but I got more res this time around compared to the previous confinement periods.
(Which is not necessarily a good thing if weight is an issue because I gained less and lost a lot more during the previous confinement period than this time around)
I managed to finish a lot of books that I'd been wanting to read though.
It's true that breastfeeding hours could also be best reading hours.
And I must thank hubby for being very supportive.
He brought me to MPH Stock Clearance sale when I was still in my confinement period, and refrained from making any comment on my purchases.
In fact he was the one who pointed out that there was a book clearance sale in Carrefour Alamanda and recommended some titles as I tried to spot some treasure in the bargain bin.

There were two weddings that I attended during the confinement period - one of hubby's close friend when Haniyya was about a month old in Seremban; and my half-sister Meera got married in Langkawi when Asim was 39 days old.
I know that mothers in confinement period are supposed to stay at home unless it's really necessary for them to go out, but I wouldn't miss these two weddings just because of my confinement.
We'd waited ages for Abil to get married.
And after missing my brother Azrul's wedding in 2007, I really did not want to miss another sibling's wedding. Besides, Meera is the only blood-related sister I have.

The new home
By now, I am probably on the home maintenance contractor's list of frequent callers. It's been about two months, but there have been numerous complaints - leakages, blocked drainage, stucked doors, doors that could not be locked, cracked tiles, etc.
It really makes me wonder about the quality of building materials used in the first place...
Nevertheless, alhamdulillah, I'm grateful for having friendly immediate neighbors.
And really glad to have a spacious home for the boys.
With kids their age in the vicinity.
And a playground nearby.
(Funny how the absence of physical gates and fences could sometimes seem to be replaced by a harder-to-penetrate 'invisible' gates and fences)
Anira - the kemas mengemas thingy?
It's still work-in-progress